Author Topic: This is the forum for bad jokes  (Read 64107 times)

RGMike

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #30 on: July 24, 2008, 03:48:22 PM »
A woman gives birth to twins and gives them up for adoption.  The first is raised by a Mexican family who name him Juan; the second is raised by a Middle Eastern family who name him Ahmahl.

Years later, an adult Juan contacts his birth mother and sends her a picture. She's thrilled, and says to her husband "I wish I had a picture of Ahmahl too". Her husband says, "Honey, they're twins -- if you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmahl".
« Last Edit: July 24, 2008, 03:55:57 PM by RGMike »
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mshray

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #31 on: July 25, 2008, 10:08:03 AM »
A woman gives birth to twins and gives them up for adoption.  The first is raised by a Mexican family who name him Juan; the second is raised by a Middle Eastern family who name him Ahmahl.

Years later, an adult Juan contacts his birth mother and sends her a picture. She's thrilled, and says to her husband "I wish I had a picture of Ahmahl too". Her husband says, "Honey, they're twins -- if you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmahl".

LOL!  That's the funniest clean joke I've heard in a long time.
"Music is the Earth, People are the Flowers, and I am the Hose."

--Carlos Santana, 2010

RGMike

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #32 on: July 25, 2008, 10:16:40 AM »
A woman gives birth to twins and gives them up for adoption.  The first is raised by a Mexican family who name him Juan; the second is raised by a Middle Eastern family who name him Ahmahl.

Years later, an adult Juan contacts his birth mother and sends her a picture. She's thrilled, and says to her husband "I wish I had a picture of Ahmahl too". Her husband says, "Honey, they're twins -- if you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmahl".

LOL!  That's the funniest clean joke I've heard in a long time.

courtesy one of the WLNG deejays.
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Gazoo

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #33 on: August 07, 2008, 12:32:04 AM »
Q: Why did Corinne Bailey Rae cross the road?

A: To get to the middle.

(Or insert your artist of choice.)
“The choir of children sing their song.  They've practiced all year long.  Ding dong.  Ding dong.  Ding dong.”

RGMike

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #34 on: August 07, 2008, 08:28:28 AM »
Q: Why did Corinne Bailey Rae cross the road?

A: To get to the middle.

(Or insert your artist of choice.)

Q: Why did Corinne Bailey Rae cross the road?

A. to meet Feist, Sara Bareilles, and Colbie Caillet.
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round

Lightnin' Rod

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #35 on: August 08, 2008, 09:40:18 AM »
The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the
planning stages.
 
The Library will include:
 
.....The Hurricane Katrina Room, which remains under
construction. 
.....The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won't be
able
to remember
anything.
 
.....The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you
don't  even have to show
up.
 
.....The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't
let you in.
 
.....The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you
 
out.
 
.....The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no
one has been able to >>> find.
 
.....The National Debt room, which is huge and has no
ceiling.
 
.....The "Tax Cut" Room, with entry only to the
wealthy.
 
.....The "Economy Room", which is in the toilet. 
 
..... The Spy Room, where everybody knows your name.
 
....The Iraq War Room. After you complete your first
tour, they make you  go back for a second, third,
fourth, and sometimes fifth tour.
 
.....The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed
location, complete with
shotgun gallery.
 
.....The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty.
 
 
.....The Supremes Gift Shop, where you can buy an
election.
 
.....The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some
of
your favorite Republican Senators.
 
.....The "Decider Room", complete with dart
board, magic 8-ball, Ouija  board,  dice, coins, and
straws.
 
.....The Dicto..., Dikshun.., Word Room, where you
will be able to make
your own entries into the national dickshon...,
dichen..., word >>> book.
 
.....The museum will have an electronic microscope to
help you locate
the President's accomplishments.
 
and any fool knows
a dog needs a home
a shelter
from pigs on the wing

RGMike

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #36 on: August 08, 2008, 09:44:30 AM »
The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the
planning stages...
 

Great stuff -- I assume that was a viral email?  I'll be sending it to everyone I know...
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Gazoo

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #37 on: August 08, 2008, 10:30:52 AM »
The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the
planning stages...
 

Great stuff -- I assume that was a viral email?  I'll be sending it to everyone I know...
Loves it!
“The choir of children sing their song.  They've practiced all year long.  Ding dong.  Ding dong.  Ding dong.”

RGMike

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #38 on: November 04, 2008, 03:24:33 PM »
Q: How do you know when it's raining cats & dogs?

A: When you step in a poodle!

http://www.sadtrombone.com/
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Lightnin' Rod

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #39 on: November 04, 2008, 05:23:26 PM »
Q: How do you know when it's raining cats & dogs?

A: When you step in a poodle!

http://www.sadtrombone.com/

That one takes me back -- a childhood fave.  Also:

Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stamp out forest fires!

http://www.sadtrombone.com/

and

Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks!

http://www.instantrimshot.com/
and any fool knows
a dog needs a home
a shelter
from pigs on the wing

Alicat

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #40 on: December 19, 2008, 11:57:07 PM »
All Surgeon's preference

Five surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on.

The first surgeon says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds: "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded."

The third surgeon says: "No, I really think librarians are the best; Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know I like engineers; Those guys always understand if you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable."
Sharks bleed teal.

RGMike

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #41 on: February 13, 2009, 08:10:24 AM »
I believe this was once a Detroit Lions joke, but here's the hockey version:

Quote
The Detroit Red Wings foreign scout flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play hockey and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to the US. The Red Wings sign him to a one-year contract and the kid joins the team.

Later in the season the Wings are down 2-0 in the 3rd period to the 20th place Blackhawks. The young Iraqi gets the nod to play for the first time and he goes in. The kid is a sensation - scores 3 goals in 10 minutes and wins the game for the Wings! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media love the new star.  When the kid comes off the ice he quickly phones his mom to tell her about his first game. "Hello mom, guess what?" he says. "I played for 10 minutes today, we were down 2-0, but I scored 3 goals and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."

"Wonderful," says his mom, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten, your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time."

The young Iraqi is very upset. "What can I say mom... I'm so sorry."

"You're Sorry?!" says his mom, "It's your fault we moved to Detroit in the first place!"

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RGMike

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #42 on: February 13, 2009, 03:38:47 PM »
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived 

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now! I've just arrived and have
been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is friggin' hot down here!!!!!
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RGMike

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #43 on: February 27, 2009, 08:39:59 AM »
Taken from a radio message board, but it could apply to any business I'm sure:

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?

A: I don't know... what do you think?

 
 
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mshray

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #44 on: February 27, 2009, 09:56:04 AM »
Taken from a radio message board, but it could apply to any business I'm sure:

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?

A: I don't know... what do you think?



Ha Ha, good one.  Here are a few more.

1.)  How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
2.)  How many psychoanalsyts does it take to change a light bulb?
3.)  How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
4.)  How many counter-intelligence operatives does it take to change a light bulb?
« Last Edit: February 27, 2009, 11:56:34 AM by mshray »
"Music is the Earth, People are the Flowers, and I am the Hose."

--Carlos Santana, 2010