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Author Topic: This is the forum for bad jokes  (Read 64070 times)

Tinka Cat

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #45 on: February 27, 2009, 11:39:49 AM »
Quote from: mshray on February 27, 2009, 09:56:04 AM
Ha Ha, good one.  Here are a few more.



1.)  How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
      One, God forbid anyone should help your poor mother change this light bulb.


2.)  How many psychoanalsyts does it take to change a light bulb?
      sorry, our 50 minutes is up

3.)  How many software engineers it take to change a light bulb?
      foreach ($lightbulb)
     {
      $engineers++;
       }
      exit;  # but then QA has to debug and fix it.

4.)  How many counter-intelligence operatives does it take to change a light bulb?
      wouldn't you like to know.

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mshray

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #46 on: February 27, 2009, 11:54:57 AM »
Those are all good, and you got #1 pretty much spot on.  The version I had throws in at the end  "...I'll just sit here in the dark."
The rest are as follows:

2.)  How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb?
One.  But the lightbulb must want to change.

3.)  How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None.  That's a hardware problem.

4.)  How many counter-intelligence operatives does it take to change a light bulb?
Three.  One to change the lightbulb and one to confuse the issue.
« Last Edit: February 27, 2009, 11:57:28 AM by mshray »
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Tinka Cat

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #47 on: February 27, 2009, 12:47:59 PM »
How many fratboys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
« Last Edit: February 27, 2009, 04:17:40 PM by Tinka_Cat »
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mshray

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #48 on: February 27, 2009, 02:30:02 PM »
Quote from: Tinka_Cat on February 27, 2009, 12:47:59 PM
How many fratboys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know either of those, though I suspect I've heard them before.  But in the same vein...

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
.
.
.
.
.
Two
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RGMike

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #49 on: February 27, 2009, 02:40:00 PM »
Quote from: mshray on February 27, 2009, 02:30:02 PM
either of those, though I suspect I've heard them before.  But in the same vein...

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
.
.
Two

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Tinka Cat

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #50 on: February 27, 2009, 04:17:54 PM »
How many fratboys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
27: one to screw it in and 26 to make the t-shirt.

How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3: one to screw it in, and two to make the documentary.


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Alicat

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #51 on: June 17, 2009, 12:24:05 AM »
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Panadol also has a generic name of Paracetamol. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Nurofen is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky Boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
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RGMike

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #52 on: June 17, 2009, 07:39:12 AM »
Quote from: Alicat on June 17, 2009, 12:24:05 AM
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Panadol also has a generic name of Paracetamol. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Nurofen is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky Boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.


BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
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Gazoo

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #53 on: June 17, 2009, 10:04:51 AM »
Quote from: Alicat on June 17, 2009, 12:24:05 AM
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Panadol also has a generic name of Paracetamol. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Nurofen is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky Boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

*applause*
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RGMike

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #54 on: July 06, 2009, 06:52:54 PM »
An old Italian man lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work as the ground was hard.  His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,

Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love,
Vinnie

 
« Last Edit: July 06, 2009, 06:55:31 PM by RGMike »
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Gazoo

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #55 on: July 15, 2009, 08:20:48 PM »
Q: What are Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett getting for Christmas?

A: Patrick Swayze.

(As if I weren't going to hell already.)
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RGMike

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #56 on: August 19, 2010, 07:40:42 AM »
From this morning's Request-O-Rama...

Q: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

A: fo' drizzle!
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radical347

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #57 on: August 19, 2010, 12:44:33 PM »
Q: What did Justin Bieber say when he got hit by a water bottle?

A: Ow, that didn't feel good. I don't know why she just threw it at me. (in autotune, of course.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_2lez3pn4A
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RGMike

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #58 on: October 05, 2010, 11:52:39 AM »
Bob Shannon just played "Still The One" on 'LNG and said -- "it's what the bank puts on your rowboat if you don't make your loan payments: Orleans!"

 ::)
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mshray

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Re: This is the forum for bad jokes
« Reply #59 on: March 14, 2011, 10:57:26 AM »
Gaz told my boys this one last weekend:

Q:  What's brown & rhymes with snoop?

A:  Dr. Dre
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