I'm tryin' to tell you somethin' 'bout my life

[princessofcairo]

thinking of you and your family, mark...

[mshray]

Okay, update is due.  Regarding Christina's cancer, the Cone Biopsy gave us about as good a result as could have been hoped for (given what we already knew).  So the next step is a 'standard' hysterectomy, scheduled for next week Wednesday (7/26).  After a C-section this is the most commonly performed surgery in the US, so there is no reason for any trepidation over the procedure itself.  And based on the results of the Cone Biopsy, once the hysterectomy is complete Christina should be Cancer-free.  Of course 'should be' doesn't equal 'definitely will be', but that's what every indication is right now.  So that's cautious optimism #1.

On the job front, I found out 10 days ago that, despite a lot of positive feedback, I didn't make the final cut for the job at Cisco that I wanted.  However, my friend Judy, who was applying for one of the spots while promoting me for another spot did get an offer, which we fully expected.  So now Cisco has to fill Judy's current position, which while not as ideal, is still going to pay better and I'm still very well qualified for it.  And I just got an email today from the Cisco recruiter to set up an first round phone interview.   While I apparently lost out on the first possibility to increased internal competition, it highly unlikely that this 2nd possibility will generate as much competition.  And they have to fill the opening promptly becasue Judy transitions out in about 3 weeks.  So that's cautious optimism #2.

[Alicat]

Okay, update is due.  Regarding Christina's cancer, the Cone Biopsy gave us about as good a result as could have been hoped for (given what we already knew).  So the next step is a 'standard' hysterectomy, scheduled for next week Wednesday (7/26).  After a C-section this is the most commonly performed surgery in the US, so there is no reason for any trepidation over the procedure itself.  And based on the results of the Cone Biopsy, once the hysterectomy is complete Christina should be Cancer-free.  Of course 'should be' doesn't equal 'definitely will be', but that's what every indication is right now.  So that's cautious optimism #1.

On the job front, I found out 10 days ago that, despite a lot of positive feedback, I didn't make the final cut for the job at Cisco that I wanted.  However, my friend Judy, who was applying for one of the spots while promoting me for another spot did get an offer, which we fully expected.  So now Cisco has to fill Judy's current position, which while not as ideal, is still going to pay better and I'm still very well qualified for it.  And I just got an email today from the Cisco recruiter to set up an first round phone interview.   While I apparently lost out on the first possibility to increased internal competition, it highly unlikely that this 2nd possibility will generate as much competition.  And they have to fill the opening promptly becasue Judy transitions out in about 3 weeks.  So that's cautious optimism #2.

Hope all goes well. I totally missed your June posts. My best thoughts are sent your way. Life is never easy and it's not fair. Keeping a marriage going is a lot hader than calling it quits. Always remind yourself of the bigger picture and overcome the small day to day shit. In my book, the only things not to be overcome are abuse and or infidelity. Other things can be worked out.
Good luck with the job.

[mshray]

In my book, the only things not to be overcome are abuse and or infidelity. Other things can be worked out.
Good luck with the job.

Well there's none of that thankfully, but at the same time I often feel like I'm the only one trying to work things out.  And I'm just so tired of feeling like that.  Unless it boils down to money, in which case our roles are reversed, since she has out-earned me 7 of the last 8 years, usually by about 20%.  Also her family has a lot more money than mine, so our basic outlooks are different, and thus she often feels like I don't care enough about the family finances.  So in a nutshell, she feels, with inarguable proof, that from a financial standpoint she's putting more into the relationship than I am, while from an emotional standpoint I feel like I'm bearing way more than my share of the load.  Isn't that kind of funny, from a gender stereotype perspective?

Anyway, my getting a significantly better paying job should make her feel a lot better, but then we'll have to see if she'll do what she needs to do to make me feel better.  And of course she's not going to be too worried about me until we get the cancer licked.  Hence all the very 'cautious' optimism.

[Gazoo]

Unless it boils down to money, in which case our roles are reversed, since she has out-earned me 7 of the last 8 years, usually by about 20%.  Also her family has a lot more money than mine, so our basic outlooks are different, and thus she often feels like I don't care enough about the family finances.  So in a nutshell, she feels, with inarguable proof, that from a financial standpoint she's putting more into the relationship than I am, while from an emotional standpoint I feel like I'm bearing way more than my share of the load.  Isn't that kind of funny, from a gender stereotype perspective?

It kind of saddens me, actually.  In the years I've known you, Mark, money has never been your driving force; you've always instead been inspired and motivated by the passion for gained knowledge and gained perspective, both personal and global.  It's not that you don't care about family finances; you'd just prefer that they be the natural consequence of you doing your thing instead of that which dictates what things you do.  Money as effect rather than cause.  I hope and trust that deep down she understands this.

And I hope I haven't interjected out of line.  But as someone who similarly has not necessarily impressed family with my earning capacity, I think I get where you're coming from.

Hoping for the best,
Gaz.

[Alicat]

....finances; ....the natural consequence of you doing your thing instead of that which dictates what things you do.  Money as effect rather than cause.

That's my ideal but sometimes getting by makes money more of a driving force. Sometimes I tell myself, do what you love and the money will follow, but I'm not there.

[princessofcairo]

....finances; ....the natural consequence of you doing your thing instead of that which dictates what things you do.  Money as effect rather than cause.

That's my ideal but sometimes getting by makes money more of a driving force. Sometimes I tell myself, do what you love and the money will follow, but I'm not there.

i tell myself that every morning! the money has yet to arrive, but happiness preceeded it long ago.

[mshray]

Hoping for the best,
Gaz.

thanks Gaz & everyone else for your thoughts.

I hope so too.

[princessofcairo]

i have no idea what this means, but american idol underground sent me an email telling me my song, "who'syerdaddy" was number 34 on their jazz charts. you have to click through to #34, but i think you can vote for it once you're there. if you're at all inclined. thanks![/url]

[mshray]

i have no idea what this means, but american idol underground sent me an email telling me my song, "who'syerdaddy" was number 34 on their jazz charts. you have to click through to #34, but i think you can vote for it once you're there. if you're at all inclined. thanks![/url]

Up from #84 last week, that's promising.

ETA:  to vote, click on the link, then go to page 4 to find #34.  Cick on the song & a new player window opens.  On the left of the player is a Rate This Song feature.  Drag that puppy all the way over to 5.0 & hit Submit!

[princessofcairo]

i have no idea what this means, but american idol underground sent me an email telling me my song, "who'syerdaddy" was number 34 on their jazz charts. you have to click through to #34, but i think you can vote for it once you're there. if you're at all inclined. thanks![/url]

Up from #84 last week, that's promising.

ETA:  to vote, click on the link, then go to page 4 to find #34.  Cick on the song & a new player window opens.  On the left of the player is a Rate This Song feature.  Drag that puppy all the way over to 5.0 & hit Submit!

thanks!!

[urth]

i have no idea what this means, but american idol underground sent me an email telling me my song, "who'syerdaddy" was number 34 on their jazz charts. you have to click through to #34, but i think you can vote for it once you're there. if you're at all inclined. thanks![/url]

Up from #84 last week, that's promising.

ETA:  to vote, click on the link, then go to page 4 to find #34.  Cick on the song & a new player window opens.  On the left of the player is a Rate This Song feature.  Drag that puppy all the way over to 5.0 & hit Submit!

Done and done. Pretty fine song, too. Let's see if we can get the Princess into the top 20!

[Gazoo]

i have no idea what this means, but american idol underground sent me an email telling me my song, "who'syerdaddy" was number 34 on their jazz charts. you have to click through to #34, but i think you can vote for it once you're there. if you're at all inclined. thanks!

Another band I really like, some Brooklynites called Shagg, recently charted #5 R&B there with one of their songs.  They said that CD Baby* had entered them; I'm guessing the same happened with you.  It may be that Derek Sivers and his merry band of tastemakers are being proactive with the acts they like the best.  I should ask him.


* For those unfamiliar, CD Baby is an organization that has been an utter godsend for indie miusicians.  They provide distribution and website-presence services as well as education and advice.  Amelia could tell you more about them, I'm sure.  

[princessofcairo]

i have no idea what this means, but american idol underground sent me an email telling me my song, "who'syerdaddy" was number 34 on their jazz charts. you have to click through to #34, but i think you can vote for it once you're there. if you're at all inclined. thanks!

Another band I really like, some Brooklynites called Shagg, recently charted #5 R&B there with one of their songs.  They said that CD Baby* had entered them; I'm guessing the same happened with you.  It may be that Derek Sivers and his merry band of tastemakers are being proactive with the acts they like the best.  I should ask him.


* For those unfamiliar, CD Baby is an organization that has been an utter godsend for indie miusicians.  They provide distribution and website-presence services as well as education and advice.  Amelia could tell you more about them, I'm sure.  

all i know is they pay me more than ascap does.

[princessofcairo]

so i'm celebrating two weeks of illegal immigrant statehood. or, maybe, non-statehood. so far, so good. i can't leave the country for fear of penalty, but spain, well, madrid has been good to me. saw an awesome flamenco concert last night, went to the ballet (swan lake from st. petersburg) tonight, and tomorrow is the big gig. the weather, food, and friends are fab. so i might not be seeing y'all for awhile. don't tell fannie mae or her sister where i am, ok? muchas gracias.

signed,
wishing my castellano was as good as that of gwyneth paltrow.

oh, oh, i'm an alien, i'm an illegal alien, i'm an american in madrid...