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This is the forum for bad jokes

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Gazoo:

ggould:
a couple of lame ones from recent emails (both from church folk!):

Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully
in 1996 at age 93 (this is actually true).

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the
coffin. They put his left leg in, and then the trouble started.

****


Joan, a rather well-proportioned woman, planned to spend almost all of her
vacation sunbathing. She found the ideal spot on the roof of her hotel. It
was deserted and secluded, with a smooth, raised deck that received the sun
all day long.

She wore a bathing suit on the first day, but on the second, she decided
that since no one could see her way up there, she would slip out of it  and 
get rid of the tan lines on her back. She'd been lying on her stomach for a 
little while when she heard someone running up the stairs toward the
roof. Startled, she didn't have time to pull on her bathing suit, and
since  she  was lying on her stomach, she just Pulled  a towel over her
rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of
breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing
up here, but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit, like
you did yesterday."

"Yesterday!" she exclaimed. "Have you been following me around? And besides,
what difference does it make, since no one except a nosy assistant manager
can see me? I'm on the top floor and I'm covered with a towel."

"Well, that would be true," said the embarrassed man, "except for the fact
that you're lying on the dining room skylight!"

Alicat:
Pastor's Ass

A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and, on being told there
was a fortune in horse racing, decided to buy one and enter it in the
races. However, at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so
high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.

He thought that since he had it he might as well go ahead and entered it in the race and, much to his surprise, the donkey came in third.  The
next day the local paper carried this headline:

PASTOR'S ASS SHOWS

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.  The local paper read:

 PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.  The next day, the local paper headline read:

 BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The Bishop fainted.  He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars.  The next day, the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and
lead it to the plains where it could run wild.  Headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The Bishop was buried the next day.

RGMike:
A NY friend emailed me and said that the White Stripes are playing there as part of "Fashion Week". Sez he: they're changing the name of their CD to "Get Behind Me, Satin".

RGMike:
(as heard on KPIG this morning):

Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney and Pete Townsend were sitting around Mick's house, comparing their favorites pieces of memorabilia, collected on their various tours over the years.

Paul brought out a huge diamond in the shape of a beetle, given to him by the Emperor of Japan.  Mick and Pete were duly impressed.

Pete showed them a solid gold Tommy pinball machine, a gift from the Sultan of Brunei. "Very nice", said Mick & Paul.

Then Mick went to his cupboard and retrieved a small loaf of bread in a plastic bag, which had been given to him by the people of Morocco. Paul & Pete were puzzled.

Mick said, "It's only a Moroccan roll... but I like it."

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