aside: yesterday was international dianne wiest day. 57! such a pup. 
"I can't be a grandmother! I was at Woodstock, for chrisssakes!"
ooh, you're good.
Lowell Ganz and "Babaloo" Mandel can write them some snappy one-liners, they can.
just 'cuz you mentioned it:
Memorable Quotes from
Parenthood (1989)
(note, Diane Wiest is Helen, Steve Martin is Gil)
[after finding her 15-year-old son's bag full of porno tapes]
Helen: I guess you're interested in sex. Or filmmaking.
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Julie: I wouldn't live with you if the world were flooded with piss and you lived in a tree!
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Tod: You know, Mrs. Buchman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.
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Gil: We'll throw away the TV. We'll perform Shakespeare in front of him.
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Gil: Women have choices, and men have responsibilities.
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Karen: He likes to butt things... with his head.
Nathan: How proud you must be.
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Karen: Do you really have to go?
Gil: My whole life is "have to."
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[Gil has been complaining about his complicated life; Grandma wanders into the room]
Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Gil: Oh?
Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
Gil: What a great story.
Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.
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Karen: I happen to LIKE the roller coaster, okay? As far as I'm concerned, your grandmother is brilliant.
Gil: Yeah if she's so brilliant why is she sitting in our NEIGHBOR'S CAR?
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Julie: He said that he loved me.
Helen: Men say that. They all say that. Then they cum.
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Frank: [on parenting] It's like your Aunt Edna's ass. It goes on forever and it's just as frightening.
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Gil: Keep Patty away from Larry - suck the intelligence right out of her.
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Gil: What's the matter, honey? you don't feel so good?
Taylor: Yeah.
Gil: You feel like you wanna throw up?
Taylor: Ok
[barfs all over Gil, and starts crying]
Karen: Oh Taylor, baby... Gil, why are you standing there?
Gil: Waiting for her head to spin around.
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Garry: What is it with all the women in this family, that makes all the men in this family wanna leave?
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Justin: Who's that?
Gil: It's my kid brother, Larry, your uncle. Don't give him any money.
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Usher: You don't talk like a kid.
Gil: Yeah, well I'm not really a kid.
Usher: You're not a doc.
Gil: This is a memory of when I was a kid. I'm 35 now. I have kids of my own. You don't even really exist. You're an amalgam.
Usher: A what?
Gil: A combination of several ushers my dad left me with over the years. I combined them into one memory.
Usher: Why?
Gil: This was a great symbolic moment of my life. My father dumping me with you... it's why I swore things would be different with my kids. It's my dream. Strong, happy, confident kids.
Usher: That's great, that's great. You know, you - you got a lovely family, and I'm a god-damn amalgam!
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Taylor: Mommy what was that?
Karen: That was an electrical ear cleaner.
Taylor: It was kinda big.
Grandma: It sure was.
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[Gil sees Justin wearing nothing but a gunbelt]
Gil: That's what you're wearing to bed? You'll catch a cold!
[Justin puts on a cowboy hat]
Gil: Perfect!
[Karen enters]
Gil: Karen, how about after the kids are asleep... (referring to Justin.) I wear this outfit?
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[referring to the porno tape on the TV]
Grandma: What channel is this?
Diane: No, grandma, this is a tape.
Grandma: She really needs a man.
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[after inhaling helium]
Grandma: When I was a girl, Grover Cleveland was president. Hehe!
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Marilyn Buckman: Cool is adorable. Adorable! Why didn't you write us when you had a son?
Larry Buckman: I didn't know myself until a couple of months ago. You see a few years ago, I was living in Vegas with this girl. Show girl. She was in that show Elvis On Ice. Anywho, we drifted apart as people do in these complicated times and then a couple of months ago, she shows up with Cool and tells me "You watch him. I shot someone. I have to leave the country."... That's parent?
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Kevin Buckman Age 21: Thank you. When I was 9 years old, I had kind of a rough time. A lot of people thought I was pretty mixed up. But there was one person who got me through it. He did everything right. And thanks to him today, well I'm the happiest, most confident and most well adjusted person in this world. Dad, I love you. You're the greatest
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Girl at College: Someone's gone to the roof of the bell tower with a rifle!
Dean at College: It's Kevin Buckman! His father totally screwed him up!
Boy At College: What's he yelling?
Kevin Buckman Age 21: YOU MADE ME PLAY SECOND BASE!
Gil: [Yelling through a megaphone] Son I'm sorry. I did all the best I could.
[Kevin shoots the megaphone from his hands]
Gil: Nice shot son! It's important to be supportive. Come on lets sing one of the old tunes. "When you're sliding into home and you're pants are full of foam, Diarerra - "
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Larry Buckman: Is that Grandma? Grandma, you got short.
Grandma: I'm shrinking.
Larry Buckman: Bummer.
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Julie: I can't do this! This is too intense!
Helen: This is marriage!
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Helen: I swear, Julie, if you walk out that door, don't you dare come back!
Julie: Don't worry about it!
[Garry enters]
Julie: Hey Garry.
Garry: Hi.
Julie: I'm moving out.
Garry: Bye.
Helen: See? Now you've upset your brother!
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Tod: Has anyone seen my wife?
Helen: She's still at school. She has cheerleading practice.
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Grandma: [after glimpsing porn tape on TV] One of those men reminded me of your grandfather.
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Susan Buckman Merrick: [as her husband surprises her by serenading her in the middle of her lesson] Nathan, we're trying so hard to keep these kids off drugs.
