I haven't heard the Santana and wish I had -- I adored two non-hits from his previous album.
On the other hand, here are 10 songs from 2005 that you should be glad you haven't heard.
1. Simple Plan, “Untitled (How Can This Happen to Me)” — It’s not untitled. If you’ve got a subtitle, you've got a title. So shut up, whiny crackers. You’ve put together a remarkable streak of songs exponentially increasing in sucking predictability. You actually help make life dreary. This one’s abstractly written and poorly sung, just like everything else you’ve cynically created for 12-year-olds. Grow up. And I mean that.
2. Akon, “Lonely” — You're Mister Corny.
3. Natalie, “Goin’ Crazy” — Blender’s review summed this up perfectly: She claimed to have written this track in 15 minutes, but most of us could have done it in five.
4. Eminem, “Ass Like That” — You keed. Is this what “Lose Yourself” was supposed to be leading up to? This and “Just Lose It” and “When I’m Gone”? I feel cheated.
5. Jessica Simpson, “These Boots Are Made for Walkin’ ” — An easy target, but deservedly so.
6. DHT, “Listen to Your Heart” — Whether you like Roxette’s music or not, you have to admit that Per Gessle had a sharp grasp of Beatlesque songcraft and Marie Fredriksson had a powerful well of a voice far outstripping those of the hair-metal poseurs. When they were on, they were on—and so it’s very disappointing to hear their work redone so inferiorly and emotionlessly.
7. Leo Kottke, “Sweet Emotion” — Speaking of pointless covers and emotion, this one didn’t even bother with catchiness to hook on to. Take all the Tyler ’n’ Perry cocksure hubris out of this, and all that’s left is a tepid song—nice science fair experiment, Lou.
8. Fiddy Cent, “Magic Candy Stick Shop” — Curtis is past the 12-minute mark.
9. Nickelback, “Photograph” — I appreciate that you’re trying to grow in your songcraft, guys, I really appreciate it, but please be aware that your legacy may yet amount to one line: “What the hell is on Joey’s head?”
10. Lifehouse, “You and Me” — the embodiment of a soullessness (the metaphysical sense, not the r&b one) plaguing contemporary young-adult entertainment: passing emptiness off as universal applicability. The lyrics meant nothing, the simpleminded strum providing the nation with a dumb campfire sing-along.
