They're not clueless; they're "loving the sinner but hating the sin," and the gay churchgoers, being in many cases consumed with self-hatred and/or self-doubt, accept this as fitting judgment or fitting compromise.
That's pretty much my take, too.
But there are also significant numbers of churches, pastors & churchgoers (though not always all 3 at the same time) who are far more progressive than their official church body, and who welcome gays on their own terms & profess their christian love with no reservations about one's orientation. Like my dad's church & (just guessing) Geoff's.